Resolutions are great and all, but let's be real — they just don't last. So this year, instead of trying to keep our goals, we're focusing our energy on breaking them. From smoking pot in Colorado to eating your way through NOLA, here are seven trips to derail your New Year's resolutions.
Resolution: Get Tech-Savvy
So you want to be Instafamous? Greenland's Eqi glacier provides Insta gold at every turn with its frosty lagoons, carving ice sheets, and vast fields of magenta niviarsiaq flowers. The only hitch? The camp is WiFi-, satellite TV- and phone-free. Offering in place of connectivity a wide range of outdoor activities from hiking to ice tours and glacial cruises, it’s all good old-fashioned fun — that is, until you need to check your email. Then, finding a signal becomes inconvenient in ways unimaginable to most modern travelers. (Hint: it involves a 5-hour boat ride.)
Resolution: Save $$$
The epicenter of old-school international banking, Zurich caters almost exclusively to those with deep pockets and expensive tastes. On average, a one-night city break costs upwards of $1,000 for two people, making it the world’s priciest city to visit as a traveler. Even getting around the city can burn a serious hole in your pocket, with taxi meters starting at the equivalent of about $6 USD. All of this to say that unless you want to blow your year’s budget in a single weekend, it’s probably best to start looking for another city in which to live out your James Bond fantasies.
Resolution: Get More Sleep
Thirty years ago, Bulgaria’s Sunny Beach would have been the perfect place to catch some ZZZ’s, thanks to its dreamy Black Sea setting and under-the-radar appeal. Fast-forward to 2016, and you’d be hard-pressed to find any vestiges of the town’s former life as a Communist-era seaside retreat. The long swathe of white sand for which the area is best known is now overrun with drunken Russian, British and Scandinavian 20-somethings, who flock to the beach for its cheap booze, raucous pool scene and all-night raves.
Resolution: Lose Weight
Want to drop a dress size? Don’t even think about a trip down to the Big Easy. Renowned for its white-tablecloth eateries serving up French-Creole fare and signature cocktails like Sazerac and Vieux Carré, New Orleans is not the kind of place you go to sip green juice and count calories. A mere stroll through the foodie ‘hoods of Central Business District and the French Quarter and you’ll be overtaken by the mouth-watering smells of roasted corn grits, sugar-dusted beignets, and tottering piles of fried oysters. And unless it's cheat day, forget about the 7-course "Chef's Playground" tasting menu at NOLA institution The Commander's Palace, which is known for putting seasonal spins on Cajun classics (think: kumquat-lacquered quail and winter mushroom-topped crawfish risotto.) In other words: pack your fat pants, people.
Resolution: Spend More Time with Family
We don’t care how many Cirque Du Soleil-spinoffs or shark aquariums there are: Las Vegas is not a family-friendly destination. Between the gambling, drinking, partying and endless parade of sexed-up kitsch, let's face it — Sin City lends itself better to a solo-trip. Still need convincing? A standard guestroom at the SLS Las Vegas comes outfitted with mirrored ceilings, peekaboo showers, an "Intimacy Kit," and "Saint" and "Sinner" mini-bar amenities. But hey, it's your mother-in-law.
Resolution: Quit Smoking
As America’s premier ski destination, Colorado is great for travelers seeking powdery snow and stunning mountain scenery. But as one of the first states to have legalized marijuana, The Centennial State is not the place to kick a smoking habit. With "pot tourism" now a budding industry, getting high is as easy as checking into your hotel room. And while some hotels are offering the standard in 420-friendly goods and services (picture: balconies for smoking and in-room vaporizers) others are taking things to a whole new level. Take Denver's Bud + Breakfast at The Adagio, which offers on-site cannabis-infused massages and a "Wake and Bake Breakfast."
Resolution: Exercise More
Getting in shape is hard. But getting in shape at an African game reserve? Potentially life-threatening. Not only does exercising outside entail blistering hot climates and treacherous off-the-beaten paths, it also means risking a run-in with lions, rhinos and other bloodthirsty beasts. And sure, you could shell out your life-savings to stay at a ritzy lodge with a pool or gym, but choose the Stairmaster over a safari and you're no friend of ours. Just sayin'.