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Offbeat

8 Travel Things to Stop Complaining About

No offense, but you're starting to sound like a baby on a plane ...

Wait—they don’t have Soul Cycle Here?
Let us be clear: we’re all for staying fit while on vacation. Walk, bike—hell, Prancercise for all we care, but whine about all the CrossFit progress you’re undoing as you sit on the beach drinking frozen margs, and you’re going to attract your share of eye rolls. It’s called a vacation for a reason, people. Now stop obsessing over your waistline and treat yo self!

A gondola ride in Venice? Puh-lease
We’ve all seen the photos of tourists holding up the Leaning Tower of Pisa, or recreating the iconic “V-J Day” kiss in Times Square. Judge all you want, but there’s a reason these landmarks continue to serve as photo backdrops to the masses: they’re awesome! So unzip your fanny pack, snap a few pics, and let your tourist flag fly high.

Well, where I live …
Sure, sure, there’s no place like home. But drop the words, “this would never happen back home,” one more time, and you’ll have us wondering why you bothered leaving in the first place. The world is a big beautiful place. There’s no need to play favorites.

Can someone please shut that kid up?
We’ve all been there: after making it through security and rushing to your gate, you finally board the plane and collapse into your seat only to hear a piercing wail from across the aisle. Yes, there’s a baby on board. Now, before you go all Samuel L. Jackson on us, keep in mind that you too were once a feral animal, capable only of eating, crapping and crying. So slip on those noise-canceling headphones, pop an Ambien and try acting your age.

You want to do what? —Scan my beloved Macbook Pro?
We don’t know about you, but we’d rather go through the extra nuisance of taking off our shoes and belts, than risk a national security crisis. So next time you’re in the security line at the airport, do your fellow travelers a favor and resist having a full-blown meltdown if asked to toss your liquids and gels (it’s nothing new, people). Don’t like the rules? There’s always car travel.

But the tour guide speaks English, right?
Newsflash: you’re going to travel abroad and people aren’t always going to speak your language. And no, repeating the same phrases ad nauseam will not help the situation. Nobody expects you to conjugate verbs or use the genitive case properly. But honestly, would it kill you to brush up on a few high school basics pre-departure?

Can I get a kid’s menu?
Trust us, we love our mac ‘n cheese just as much as you. And while there’s a time and place for these favorites, they are NOT meant to be consumed in place of a different culture’s delicacies or street food. Does this mean we expect you to sample tuna eyeballs in Japan or whale blubber in Greenland? No. But go to Italy and order spaghetti noodles with plain butter sauce, and someone may just spit in your food.

What do you mean ‘Closed?’
In theory, most everybody loves the idea of a mid-afternoon nap. But put a North American in Spain between the hours of 1 and 4PM, and you won’t hear the end of the grumbling. “Why’s everyone so lazy?” they ask, scanning the deserted city streets in bewilderment. “When am I ever going to get any shopping done?” Listen, we understand the pain of a shopping spree cut short. We really do. But when it comes to the siesta, you’re up against a centuries-old tradition. Our advice? Pour yourself a big glass of red and wave that white flag.